Disclaimer: I am absolutely for sure biased in my opinions, both as a judger or Chick-fil-a’s business practices and as someone who doesn’t actually like fried chicken. But I do enjoy a good chicken sandwich.
I am, above all, an adventurer of flavor, and in the interest of science, I tried my best to try them all.
Gif description: A surprised man removes a pair of black sunglasses to reveal another pair of black sunglasses with the words “it’s finger licking good” printed on them.
I think we’ve all had our mouth water at one or two of the chicken sandwiches taking the fast food world by storm. And the friendly competition between brands has provided some much needed entertainment within our modern-day plague amid this capitalist hellscape. But I think we’re forgetting the most important part of the Chicken Sandwich Wars - a war denotes a that someone must come out on top (or at the very least, that a truce must be made). So who wins?
Before I begin, I have two things to state: one, I understand that the war has not been officially declared as over, but for cultural preservation, I’m building this list now before we forget what the first ones tasted like. And two, I must make it known that I have zero authority here and that this is 100% opinionated. So like, don’t take this seriously. This isn’t a food blog or a YouTube review here: I just like talking about pop culture phenomenon and eating food.
With that out of the way, on to the criteria!
I’m only looking at fast food restaurants because that’s how this all started, and I’m based in Chicago, so if some restaurant in California has “the best chicken sandwich of all time,” that means nothing to me unless you’re gonna express mail me one. With a drink. Obviously.
The criteria is based off of the agreed upon template, so agreed upon by the fast food companies that chose to copy it which was cemented by this Taco Bell commercial:
So we’ve mapped out the anatomy of a proper chicken sandwich. They’ve gotta be some variation of this combo.
🍔 BUN
🧴 CREAMY CONDIMENT (Mayo, special sauce, what have you)
🥒 VEGETATIVE MATTER (pickles, lettuce, jalapeño, etc.)
🍗 CHICKEN
and (not a deal breaker but) a 😰🥛MILD or 🔥🥵 SPICY option
Let’s take it further into the specifics. I’m grading them on some of the criteria that I usually look for in a satisfying meal: flavor, fillingness, and thiccness. Also, this is not necessarily a deal breaking criteria, but I will also acknowledge some of the pros and cons that stand out to me, including cost and advertising. I appreciate a good ad. I appreciate a cheap meal even more.
So to recap:
Anatomically correct: Yes or No
Flavor
Fillingness
Thiccness
Cost
Marketing
And I’ll give an overall ranking out of 5 pickles 🥒.
Aight, let’s get this bread.
Gif description: a buff gentleman in a backwards camouflage baseball cap is lifting weights, but the weights have been replaced with chicken sandwiches photoshopped in.
Chick-fil-a
I don’t like Chick-fil-a. There, I said it. I don’t get the hype, and I don’t support their practices. However, I felt obligated to include it here because they do have a chicken sandwich and it is (probably) the whole reason that Popeyes cooked up its own chicken sandwich so that it could reclaim it’s chickeny throne. Also, not that it matters, but I didn’t specifically buy a sandwich from them for this so I can feel good that I didn’t really support them in this, but I’ve had one before. (And yes, I’m relying on the memory of my tastebuds. They’re better than my average everyday memory. The perks of being big-boned-ded as my fellow “thicc-sters“ would say.)
Gif description: Celebrity singer Lizzo wears a crown while singing the lyrics “Getting thicker and thicker”
Anatomical Breakdown of the Chick-fil-a Chicken Sandwich
✔️ Bun
❓ Creamy condiment in the form of: technically the sandwich isn’t advertised with a particular condiment, but given that Chick-fil-a is a chicken restaurant and they have their own trademarked Chick-fil-a sauce, I guess the expectation is that that would be the sauce for it.
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option -
Okay quick side note: Chick-fil-a has spicy chicken sandwiches and deluxe chicken sandwiches, but also their whole shtick is chicken sandwiches, so is it an adaptation on the same sandwich? Somebody confirm this for me. Okay, back to the ranking…
You gotta hand it to Chick-fi-a for knowing how to market themselves, from their ad campaigns to their meme-worthy staff.
Image description: Twitter post with a photo of a Chick-fi-a chicken bucket and the caption, “Should have stayed in your lane, @Popeyes. Want to play games? Our pleasure!”
My emotions toward Chick-fil-a aside, I did want to judge the sandwich objectively. It’s pretty much anatomically correct, but also it kinda gets to set the standard here too. Thiccness and fillingness are somewhere in the middle. I remember getting fries to supplement because the sandwich wasn’t enough. Taste wise, it was just okay. When I went to write this, I had to struggle to remember the sandwich flavor in question.
I do respect the pickle brine they do for their meat, as that’s also become an incidental taste expectation for chicken sandwiches now, so points for flavor profile. But I was kind of bored. And they’re not open on Sundays. Just can’t let that go.
🥒 2.5 out of 5 pickles
Popeyes
The one that started it all. I guess in a sense, they didn’t start the fire - it was always burning since the fryer basket‘s been turning. But Popeyes popped off and declared war, so we shall always remember them as the instigators.
Some of you might remember Popeyes had another chicken sandwich years ago in the form of the Po’Boy, and I’m kind of surprised that they didn’t bring back some variant of that. But they certainly put their flavors to the test with their current chicken sandwich. And we likely have Popeyes to thank for inspiring other brands to include both a regular and a spicy version of their sandwiches, as Popeyes has always had their mild vs spicy chicken options to keep families together. (In case you were wondering, I’m a mild baby.)
Gif description: Black Youtuber Glozelle fans her mouth aggressively after eating spicy food.
Anatomical Breakdown of the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich
✔️ Bun
✔️ Creamy condiment in the form of: mayo or spicy mayo
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option
This sandwich broke the internet. It was the sandwich that launched a thousand memes. It’s the reason I’m even writing this blog post. And let me tell you: the hype is real. The scarcity of the sandwich alone was great marketing, and the customers lining up around the block doubly so. I don’t even remember if Popeyes had an official ad campaign - the internet did all the work for them.
Gif description: A man holds up a Popeyes chicken sandwich bag
The taste is 🔥. I will admit I may be a little biased here because I always preferred Popeyes over KFC, and again I don’t really like fried chicken, so for me to still have a preference says something. I don’t know what it says exactly, but it’s something.
The sandwich anatomy hits all five bullet points, and lemme tell you, this baby is thicc. Let me say that I am a big girl with a big appetite and I have rarely considered a sandwich to be enough for a meal. But this had me good and happy.
The cost could be a little lower but considering the good portion of the sandwich and the limited quantities of it, I feel like Popeyes can charge whatever they want.
I have no complaints about this sandwich except they never have enough of them.
🥒 5 out of 5 pickles
KFC
I’ll be honest: I never really got the allure of KFC. Part of my distaste for fried chicken was KFC’s frequently greasy and uninteresting bucket o’ fun. Having eleven secret herbs and spices is all well and good, but maybe sprinkle some of those spices on the rest of the food?
Gif description: a clip from Quinta vs. Everything shows Quinta asking another woman, “Have you ever been to KFC?”
Some shade thrown aside, I still had to try their chicken sandwich in the name of science. And my expectations were BLOWN AWAY.
Anatomical Breakdown of the Kentucky Fried Chicken Sandwich
✔️ Bun
✔️ Creamy condiment in the form of: Mayo
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option
This chicken was true to advertising, finger-licking good. It was juicy and flavorful, the right fried texture, not too soggy or too dry. The anatomy is there, and the price is nice, AND they didn’t skimp on the portion sizes. They even had box meals, which, even though you’re paying more for a combo meal, was a nice option since some places think they can just toss some chicken on a bun and call it a day (looking at you, McDonalds. Since when is a condiment a “deluxe” option for a sandwich?)
I must also say the marketing is damn smart… when you can find it. Didn’t see a large amount of advertising, but their line “who better to make a chicken sandwich than a place known for chicken?“ is downright logical. I mean, you got me there. And apparently, KFC placed such poignant billboards promoting such outside of competing restaurants, which is such a baller move honestly. Game recognize game, KFC.
Not to mention the scarcity of this sandwich helped improve the hype for me. Every time we went to KFC, they were out. And yes I know the pandemic has halted a lot of things, but sometimes it was like you had to tell them they were even supposed to have it on the menu. But I think that’s just the nature of KFC so I’ll let it slide.
🥒 5 out of 5 pickles
McDonalds
Mickey D’s has also had different chicken sandwiches in the past. I actually do have to commend them for their willingness to switch up their menu so often and think outside the box. But I’m not going to include their previous models, as it were, because they are not a part of the Chicken Sandwich Wars, and as many of their sandwich anatomies don’t sync up to the criteria here, it wouldn’t be a fair fight anyway.
So for this one, we’re looking at their most recent menu addition: the Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Honestly, I’m just impressed that they didn’t unleash a monster pack of chicken McNuggets or a supersized McChicken and call it a day.
Gif description: a young boy saying “Chicken nuggets is like my family.”
Anatomical Breakdown of the Crispy Chicken Sandwich
✔️ Bun
✔️ Creamy condiment in the form of: butter or spicy pepper sauce
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option: not only spicy, but also ‘deluxe’ options for both regular and spicy
Apparently ‘deluxe’ means ‘with veggies’ in Ronald-speak. It just adds lettuce and tomato, which makes it basically the same as their many previous iterations of chicken sandwiches in the past. But I digress.
It might just be me, but maybe because McDonald’s has reinvented the wheel so often (the chicken being a wheel) that it just seemed like yet another McDonald’s chicken sandwich. And even though it markets itself as crispy… it wasn’t? Not a deal breaker but…. if I’m expecting a crunch, bring the crunch.
Gif description: a woman waves her hands in the shape of a rainbow. A rainbow appears with the word “Crispy” popping up above it.
I also didn’t see any advertisement for this sandwich, I just figured McDonald’s would have thrown their hat into the ring by revamping some McChicken advertising and was pleasantly surprised to see them putting forth some effort.
Of course, the McChicken is far throw from the other Chicken Sandwiches, but my wallet and my stomach have never complained. Still, maybe it would have been better if I didn’t get the deluxe, as that’s usually what I associate the previous chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s with having those same toppings.
And at the risk of seeming contradictory, I am giving bonus points for them including a deluxe option. But I’m taking points back because the deluxe is confusing me. Since when does swapping butter for mayo = deluxe?
🥒 3 out of 5 pickles
Burger King
Now Burger King has already had it’s share of chicken sandwiches, but I’m focusing specifically on the one they tapped to enter the ring. Like I said with McDonald’s, I’m only looking at the current contenders that have stepped up the plate. For the King, it’s the Ch’King.
First off, I’m docking points for making me say “Ch’King.” I think any restaurant that exists after the year 2002 should recognize that it’s only acceptable to make your customers order goofy-sounding foods if you’re a parody restaurant or your mascot runs a minimal risk of terrifying small children. The King’s cold, molded plastic face just doesn’t sit right with me.
Gif description: The Burger King mascot peers wide-eyed from around the corner.
Fast food nightmares aside, the Ch’King was Boring.
Anatomical Breakdown of the Ch’King
✔️ Bun
✔️ Creamy condiment in the form of: mayo
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option: they also have mild, spicy, and deluxe options
Okay, I don’t know what it is about Burger King, but every single thing they serve always tastes like the same batch of frying oil; even if you didn’t get anything fried, even if you didn’t eat in the restaurant, even if you got a freaking cookie - all fry oil. It’s like they dip everything in the fry oil before handing it to you. And I don’t even like their fries. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll smash a Whopper when I’m hungry, but the Whopper has enough going on that it masks the weird greasy aroma surrounding everything else.
So the Ch’King was already off to a rocky start with the fry oil thing, and it pretty pricy. I think it’s actually more expensive than the Popeyes one which, where do you get the nerve? Unless you qualify your sandwich as being good enough to rival the one people were selling on Craiglist and pretty much confirmed that episode of the Boondocks, why charge more?
(The following clip is NSFW due to strong language, but also it’s The Boondocks so you should know that they’ve never been safe for work).
So the Ch’King is actually… too thick. I know that sounds like a non-issue, but it’s actually breaded so thickly that sandwiching it between actual bread made it so hard to chew and swallow. The weird thing is that the breading wasn’t overcompensating for a smaller chicken breast, it was a good amount of chicken, but the breading was just obnoxious. Even after adding additional condiments at home, it was still kind of a slog to get through, and a good meal should never be a slog,
You know that thing where people say when you eat raw celery, you’re burning more calories than you’re taking in? It kinda felt like that to consume this Ch’King.
I will say that I’m impressed by the thickness of the chicken and the crunchiness of the breading. I don’t think the flavor was mind-blowing, but once I got past the fry oil thing, it wasn’t bad. The Ch’Kinh feels like the first real challenger to the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich. I’d say it’s a solid entry, and if I put my apparently numerous biases aside, it’s got a solid ranking. Could use some adjustments, but still pretty solid.
🥒 4 out of 5 pickles
Wendy’s
It’s actually so funny to me that Wendy’s got into this, too. Remember when Wendy’s was reading other brands for filth on Twitter?
They inspired so much of the sassy comebacks that brands hire low-level social media interns to come up with for college credit. They convinced other brands to step up their game. Because of them, we have such cultural artifacts as Denny’s cryptic tumblr and Hamburger Helper’s 🔥 mixtape. And Wendy’s has even inspired some fan art and fan-fiction, which is… I’d say it’s a conversation for another day, but it’s not a conversation that I wish to have. Ever. So we’re just gonna ignore that. Google it at your own risk.
With how memorable their marketing is, it’s a shame that their chicken sandwich didn’t live up to the hype. When I was going over my list with my fiancé, he remarked, ”Wendy’s has a chicken sandwich?” To which I replied, “Yes, you’ve had it.” And he shrugged and said he didn’t remember. That’s not a good sign, Wendy’s.
Anatomical Breakdown of the Wendy’s Classic Chicken Sandwich
✔️ Bun
✔️ Creamy condiment in the form of: mayo
✔️ Pickle
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option
I do appreciate that the Wendy’s classic sandwich is what most other brands have been classifying as their ‘deluxe‘ model, but also I think including lettuce and tomato on their sandwiches are the standard for Wendy’s. sized chicken breast. But unlike their social media roasting, it’s woefully unmemorable.
My dear Wendy’s , you can’t win ’em all. Stick to what you know: serving piping hot beef, both figuratively and literally.
Gif description: Scene from a throwback Wendy’s commercial with three elderly women inspecting a very tiny burger patty. The woman on the right reaches for a phone and asks, “Where’s the beef?”
🥒 2 out of 5 pickles
Taco Bell
Taco Bell got me confused. I have nothing against them trying their hand at the chicken sandwich. After all, it’s a good way to stay current, and they stood poised to have a total mic drop. A Westernized taco chain coming for the fried chicken sandwich title? Insane. I mean, just look back at that commercial for the Naked Chicken Chalupa.
But the Naked Chicken Chalupa is actually not the only contender they offered up for the challenge. They also recently released the Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco, which, alright the name alone is confusing me to start off with. It’s a sandwich… but a taco? My coworkers are already having this debate over whether a hot dog is a sandwich, and somebody taught me about the Cube Rule.
Image description: The Cube Rule of Food is illustrated as follows - bottom side of a cube is equal to toast, top and bottom side of cube is a sandwich, bottom and left and right sides equals a taco, top and bottom and left and right side equals sushi, all but the top side equals some form of bread bowl, and every side covered equals a calzone.
I don’t… completely… know for sure that I agree with this Cube Rule, but it applies the most logic here. And yes, I know that Taco Bell only called it a sandwich because they’re trying to make sure we recognize it as a contender in the chicken sandwich game, but they coulda chose a better moniker here.
Not to mention, this also brings up a good point for Taco Bell. Whatever happened to their slogan: ”Think Outside the Bun?” This seems to be thinking very much inside the bun. At least with the Naked Chicken Chalupa it wasn’t hopping on the bandwagon - nobody else has attempted to turn meat into an outer sandwich shell since KFC’s Doubledown (in more horrifying news, it’s back), and the Naked Chicken Chalupa was introduced before the Chicken Sandwich Wars but made a viable callback.
Now in my opinion, the Naked Chicken Chalupa is a far better contender, and honestly, I would rank it pretty high up on my chart here, but now I’m not sure which one should be included. It’s sort of like they tried to hedge their bets, but in doing so, displayed their lack of confidence in the Naked Chicken Chalupa to win on it’s own.
Or it could be that they had some food shortage issues with the Chalupa cuz who hasn’t right now.
Or their marketing department is just as confused as I am here.
Whatever the reason, I’mma rank both. I know it sounds kind of hypocritical since I said I was only going to look at the current chicken sandwiches advertised at other restaurants, but it‘s not just because they’re recent, but because they have, in one way or another, been officially brought into battle. So the Burger King original chicken sandwich could have qualified if Burger King promoted it that way.
Gif description: A man turns and says sarcastically,”But ya didn’t”
Anatomical Breakdown of the Naked Chicken Chalupa
❓ Bun (I mean, the chicken is the bun in this sense, but also it’s not a bun cuz that’s the whole point?)
✔️ Creamy Condiment - in the form of avocado ranch.
❌ & ✔️ No Pickle BUT you’ve got lettuce, tomato, and shredded cheese toppings, so still classifies under the vegetative toppings rule.
✔️ Chicken (Still stuck on the bun is chicken categorization but you can’t question that it is chicken)
❓Spicy option - I guess not but the chicken itself had a spicy kick, so it’s kinda in the middle.
Anatomical Breakdown of the Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco
✔️ Bun - the flatbread is more bun-like than taco shell, so that tips the scales toward bun.
✔️ Creamy Condiment - in the form of creamy chipotle.
❓Pickle - technically you have the option of jalapeños on the spicy version, which is pickle-esque, but not so with the classic version.
✔️ Chicken
✔️ Spicy option
Alright, so I’ll admit, trying to rank the two actually made me more confused. So I’m just gonna completely speak my mind here:
The Chicken Sandwich Taco Flatbread Whatever has too long and too uncatchy a name, bland chicken, and is roughly the size of a very pathetic chicken tender wrapped in a sad soft flatbread that makes it overpriced no matter what you price it at. The whole sandwich was literally the length of my finger, and not much wider. And the advertising was lame. And they didn’t make it easy to determine which was plain and which was spicy when I ordered both. And Taco Bell took so many things off the menu and then offered this limp excuse for a Chicken Sandwich Wars ”Valkyrie.” Go home, kid. This is the big leagues.
The Naked Chicken Chalupa had so much potential to kick butt in this thing, but the timing wasn’t quite right. They released it before without any ties to the Chicken Sandwich War (since it pre-dates it), but then waited too long after much of the heat had died down to bring it back. And by that point, there was so much competition flooding the market that most people were either overwhelmed by all of their options or disinterested altogether. But I loved that Naked Chicken Chalupa. I loved it like a son.
I’ll never quite understand why Taco Bell fans get so passionate about their discontinued menu items, but Taco Bell has hurt me too many times for me to forgive them.
That and the fact that they split the ballot here means I’m docking them points.
🥒 1.5 out of 5 pickles for the Flatbread, 3.5 out of 5 pickles for the Chalupa. For a grand average total of 2.5 pickles.
Gif description: Man chews a chicken sandwich in his car while nodding.
Before I announce the quote-unquote winner, it has been brought to my attention that Church’s has also presented their own chicken sandwich, so here’s a token acknowledgement of it.
. . .
That was it. Moving on!
And the winner is…
Gif description: Scene from the film Pitch Perfect where husky male plays a drumroll on his stomach before announcing the winners.
…
A TIE???
Before I had the KFC sandwich, it was a clear no-contest win for Popeyes, and it was only fitting since Popeyes was the original challenger that started this whole thing. But then I had the KFC sandwich, and honestly, the tie-breaker for me came down to price and meal-deal. Which means…
Gif description: Wrestlemania clip of a wrestler dressed as Colonel Sanders body-slamming someone in a chicken suit. Honestly the greatest caption I’ve ever had to write.
KFC!!! *cue air horns* Now again, I hold no authority here, and my rulings may be seen as arbitrary, and also I didn’t even rank one off the sandwiches on my list. But also, if you so strongly disagree with my results, you are free to perform your own taste test. Let your tastebuds guide you…
Gif description: Clip from the cartoon Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob talks lovingly to the Krabby Patties that he’s cooked, saying “Go now and bless the taste buds of your lucky connoisseur.” He blows a kiss that creates a heart, which floats into Squidward’s mouth and chokes him. Squidward gags, saying “Choking on sentiment.”
And now as a reward for putting up with this ridiculous post, here is a collection of my favorite Chicken Sandwich Wars memes:
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